Going back to therapy after a less-than-ideal first experience takes real courage.
The process can be very difficult, but you have to remember that you now have the knowledge of what worked and what didn’t the first time, meaning you have a much better chance of finding the right therapist this time around.
This is completely normal, and something we see often here at Nexum with new clients who have had a bad experience initially.
In this guide, we’ll explore some common reasons why therapists aren’t a good fit, and how to be more successful the second (or third) time around.
Why the First Therapist Wasn’t the Right Fit
Not every therapist is going to be a match for every person, and that is just the reality of the situation. Even if both sides aren’t doing anything wrong by the book, it sometimes just doesn’t work out how you would expect, and again, this is completely normal and doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.
Here are some of the most common reasons we see from clients who approach us to find the right therapist:
- Different communication styles – Maybe their way of talking just didn’t click with how you process things.
- Mismatched specialties – Their expertise wasn’t quite what you needed for your specific concerns. This can happen quite often, especially if you aren’t aware of what you need help with specifically, or if something new comes up.
- Timing and readiness – You might not have been ready to really engage at that point.
- Personality differences – Sometimes, the connection just isn’t there, and that’s okay.
- Treatment approach – Their methods didn’t line up with your learning style or preferences.
A lot of the time, it’s not about anyone being wrong. Maybe you needed a different treatment focus than what your therapist was offering, or their techniques just didn’t fit how you work through problems.
It’s also possible you’ve changed since starting therapy. Your needs might have shifted beyond what that therapist could provide.
The mismatch might’ve shown up as feeling unheard, misunderstood, or like your sessions weren’t really addressing your concerns. Maybe you dreaded appointments or felt stuck after several sessions. Those are pretty clear signs that something wasn’t clicking.
Recognizing this is actually a sign of self-awareness. It means you know what you want from therapy, which is a good place to start.
How To Choose (Another) Therapist
Finding the right therapist after a previous experience means looking honestly at what worked and what didn’t.
It’s a delicate balance between practical stuff like therapy format and the qualities that help you build a stronger connection this time.
Reflecting on Your Needs and Past Experiences
Your last therapy experience probably gave you some useful clues about what you need going forward. Think about moments when you felt heard – or not – and whether the pace of sessions felt right.
Why did you decide to switch therapists? Was it a communication thing, no progress, or just feeling disconnected? These patterns can tell you a lot about your preferences for directness, empathy, or intervention style.
Write down the mental health challenges you want to work on now, especially if they’ve changed since before. Be specific – are you looking for help with anxiety, depression, trauma, relationships, or maybe a mix?
You can check out our services as a starting point to see all the different issues you can get help with, including:
- Anxiety Therapy
- Couples Therapy
- Eating Disorder Therapy
- And many more…
Qualifications
Different mental health professionals bring different training and skills. A licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) tends to focus on how your environment and systems impact your mental health. An LSW is similar but works under supervision – you can learn more about the differences between the two in our guide here.
Psychologists (PhD or PsyD) can do psychological testing and assessments. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can prescribe meds and do therapy. Licensed professional counselors (LPC) are trained at the master’s level and cover a range of mental health issues.
Licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFT or MFT) focus on relationship dynamics. If relationship challenges played a part in your last therapy ending, maybe an LMFT is worth a look.
Don’t worry if this sounds confusing – you can use our online portal to quickly find a qualified therapist who is suited to your circumstances. It is good to have a general idea of qualifications before you get started, though.
Deciding Between In-Person and Online Therapy Options
In-person sessions give you traditional face-to-face time in a dedicated space. Some folks need that physical presence, or just like having therapy separate from home life.
Online therapy is more flexible, and it does make things much easier if you can’t access a good therapist in your local area.
Think about your comfort with tech and how private your home setup is.
Online sessions require a private space where you feel comfortable opening up, and a solid internet connection to keep things running smoothly. Some people love this, while others hate it – it all comes down to personal preference.
Tips for Finding the Right Therapist the Second Time Around
When you’re looking for a new therapist after a previous one, the best thing you can do is use what you have learnt from your first sessions.
Exploring Different Therapy Approaches
This is a chance to try therapy approaches you might not have considered – a few examples include:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – This is a structured therapy that helps you identify unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors.
- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) – This is a skills-based therapy that helps you manage emotions and improve relationships.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – This helps you accept challenging thoughts while staying true to your values.
Group therapy or family therapy can also be good to try if you’re comfortable with that approach.
Tips For The First Session
The first few sessions you have with your new therapist should feel positive and like you are in the right space with the right therapist – if your gut instinct is telling you this is a bad fit right away, then don’t feel any shame in trying other options.
A therapist who is a good fit should meet the following standards as a bare minimum:
- They should listen attentively to your concerns.
- They should be open to answering any and all queries you may have, especially any concerns you have picked up from your previous sessions.
- They should be able to explain how they work and what their goals are for each session.
Fortunately, the second time around, you should have a much higher chance of finding the right therapist, but if things don’t work out, then you need to remain confident.
Sometimes it can take longer than you would expect to find the right fit, but the right person is out there for any issue.
Let Us Help You
At Nexum, we specialize in connecting clients with therapists who are ideal for their needs.
We work with hundreds of therapists and accept most major insurances, meaning it has never been easier to browse through therapist profiles and find the right match.
You can also read reviews from past clients to inform your decision.
Our service is designed exactly to help people in similar situations, and we have many clients who approach us about bad experiences they have had previously.
We still recommend following all the guidelines in this article to help your first session go as well as possible – think of this as the first step in a long journey to happiness.